December 2012
2 posts
Watchlovemygypsyeyes:
Please check this out! They only have 9 days left to raise money. They basically created a portable water purification water bottle! And if you choose one of the perks that includes the whole bottle + filtration system, one goes to another person in need of clean water! BONUS KARMA RIGHT THERE!
Pictures from their campaign home:
If you can’t donate, please, please...
Hey T
Don’t listen to your ex husband! You deserve love & you deserve to be treated like a queen. I hope everything is ok!
November 2012
8 posts
Regrets
G and I have been dating on and off since I was 16. I’ve always wanted him. He has always had top priority over everyone, even when I was dating someone else.
3 years ago he cheated on me with a girl he met on myspace. And she moved in with him and his family right away. He used to call me and tell me how he missed me and he’d tell me about his life, knowing it tormented me. It...
I wish G could remain the person he is when he is sober. He really is my best friend and favorite person when he is. He has given me one amazing thing though: his mother. I am so very happy that I met her. She is such a nice, amazing, intelligent and caring woman. I had a HPV scare (thanks a WHOLE BUNCH G!) and I felt more comfortable talking to her about it than my own mother. I connect a lot...
2 tags
I'm cracking
and in a good way I think. I’m tired of always being on edge. I’m tired of having to have my guard at home. I’m tired of being depressed and anxious all day every day. I’m not going to put up with G’s verbal abuse any more. I have been standing up for myself, but I’m very close to packing and leaving. I don’t care if I have to go to a women’s...
I'm actually proud of one thing about myself
Although I am weak in many aspects, I am a strong woman. Whenever G gets in my face and yells at me and calls me horrible things (i.e. “dumb trick, fuck you bitch, you’re a dumb bitch…etc”), I never back down. I stand my ground & let him know that I’m not scared of him and he does NOT intimidate me. He can scream, shout, threaten anything he wants, I do not back...
&
I’ve been praying, hoping & wishing for a place where I can vent my feelings without being judged, and then I remembered that I never deleted this blog. I only have one follower (who I follow with my blog that has my identity, I truly look up to you by the way, you’re such a strong woman and I really like reading your views on things).
Anyways, I felt 10times better after...
I haven’t posted on here for a long time, and there’s a reason for that: I can’t face reality. I love G more than anything on this earth, but his addiction is ruining both of our lives. It’s not a slow descent anymore, it’s a 100 miles an hour free fall.
I feel so stupid, believing that he could / would change. I feel so stupid for staying. I feel so weak because I...
October 2012
1 post
June 2012
5 posts
loving-e-xo:
When you’re trying to have a “feelings” conversation with your fiancé and COD wins.
^ALWAYS
I made G cry yesterday, it didn’t feel good at all. Turns out he’s still very much an addict, which I knew, just didn’t want to believe it. I attacked him trying to get the drugs off of him so I could flush them. & Then I just broke down…I just don’t think I can do this anymore, it’s just too hard. I told him that it’s too hard & he started to cry,...
Chula Vista
Yesterday I got G to drive us to the Chula Vista Nature Center. It was amazing walking the short hiking trails & looking at the Bald Eagle, Hawks, turtles, sea horses & owls :)
when your hero falls
Yesterday I found out my dad planned to commit suicide last Sunday. He had just finished his suicide letter when he recieved an email from one of his students & he stopped what he was doing. G was unbelievably supportive last night as I told him, it reminded me why I fell in love with him in the first place. If anyone out there is reading this, please keep my father in your prayers, or, for...
May 2012
25 posts
priorities
It breaks my heart that I’m not a priority in anyone’s life. I mean I can take care of myself but it’d be nice to have someone care, at least as much as I do. My “friends” never answer their phones anymore, my mom moved out & my dad moved away. G doesn’t pay any attention to anything unless it can be smoked or comes with a controller. Idk, I do everything...
1 tag
3 tags
today
has been such a relaxing & calm day. G helped me carry the 40lb bag of bird seeds (for my dad’s birds) in Walmart & then we just hung out at my (to be) foreclosed house. & Now I’m in our room watching Harry Potter & he’s in the loft playing Madden :) He also made me lunch & mixed some Kool-Aid for me haha I feel so good right now!
so the panic attacks are back
Last summer I was suffering from panic attacks on a regular basis. It took a long time to regain control over my thoughts & now they’re back…Just worried that they’re going to be worse this time around.
“I’m tired of wasting effort where it doesn’t belong, no longer making right what...”
– Pulling Teeth - Grudgeholder (via ourcircleisvicious)
escape
my favorite way of escaping stress is through reading. Currently I’m rereading The Hunger Games trilogy. Mob Daughter & the Pretty Little Liars series were really good books as well!
6 hours later
I come back home & G had dinner (half eaten, but that’s neither here nor there) waiting for me. Steak, corn & green beans :] Still a little bit offended from earlier, but I think some toaster struddles & bud light limearitas should fix it :) & apparently when his mom came home & found out I wasn’t home she let him have it & told him that if his dad talked to her...
"This is why I don't want a girlfriend right now"
G & I were in the kitchen eating and he cancelled our plans to go to the museum, which made me a little disappointed but I didnt say anything. & then he just says “This is why I dont want a girlfriend right now” & goes on & on about how he has nothing to offer. & then he got mad at me because it upset me & told me that he’s not going to comfort me &...
random
G has been singing “boulevard of broken dreams” by Greenday for a week because he knows it annoys me. Now it’s stuck on repeat in my head :| & the girl next to me in class uses too much perfume or smelly soap that gives me a headache. Everytime she moves I get another whiff of it & it makes me so sick! I switched seats & I could still smell it. Other than that, today...
peaceful
right now me & G are laying down watching Khole & Lamar. Even though we can’t stand the Kardashians, it’s nice to watch mindless tv & just relax. :) the only drama right now is on the TV
loving-e-xo:
Anyone else ever wish their significant other would get their junk stuck in their zipper? No? Just me then.
I do. occasionally…haha
Working Theory #1
To try and keep G’s mind off of using I decided to try wearing him out by going on adventures every week to keep his body, mind & spirit stimulated. So far we’ve gone to: The Wild Animal Park, Legoland’s Aquarium, Zoomar’s Petting Zoo, one of the Missions in San Diego County, and one of the restaurants that we used to go to as kids (although we didn’t know each...
The First Confession
I know that if, on the off chance that anyone reads this, they will think I’m crazy. That I should use my brain, not my heart & get far, far away from this relationship. But, as we all know, it isnt as easy as that, and despite what some posts might say, I love G with everything I have. But onto the First Confession:
I love G. I have always loved him & I know I always will. But, in...
The Basics
These are the characters & setting needed to understand this blog (if anyone ever reads it). All of these people, places & stories are all 100% real, but the names & telltale details of who appears in my stories are coded to protect their privacy. (Although if anyone that knows me stumbled upon this they would instantly know who & what everything is). As this blog progresses, this...
